Astral Projection for Dummies, Act 1, Scene 8

“Av for dummies, act 1, scene 8”

By

Robert Janeck

4815 Comanche Way

 

 

FAde In:

Normies Garage

Norms Garage.  Norms is wrenching on a motorcycle.  Rebecca comes into the driveway on a new Harley 48, and hits the kill button when she clears the sidewalk and glides up to the door.  Bob comes in a minute later in a new Mustang GT convertible, while Rebecca is taking off her helmet, gloves and leather chaps and a leather jacket she could have been poured into.  She is wearing a guys sleeveless tee shirt, and shorts that would have got her a job in any Hooters restaurant in the country.  Norm stops working and watches her take off the biker garb, while Bob observes from Rebecca’s 6 o’clock position.

Norm

This is better than the matinee at a backroad country strip joint.

 

Bob

Copy that Normie Poo.

Rebecca

You jerks just wish the show continued from her, but you just have to use your imagination.  (Looking over her shoulder at Bob.) And you better remember that I know when you’ve been naughty or nice, cause I know when you are watching me, so, pervert, no peeking.

 

 

bob

Why?

rebecca

Because you know I can hurt you.

Norm

Ok, you cranky bitches, get brewskies from the fridge, and don’t forget me.

Rebecca

 

You want one or two.

 

(Rebecca heads to an older fridge, opens it, and we see that there is a bottle of tequila and six glasses on the top shelf, and the rest of the fridge is packed with beer)

Norm

Two dear.

Bob

You ever consider that you two waste a lot of beer.

Norm and Rebecca

It ain’t a waste.

 

They go through the mutual ritual of pouring out a been on a now dead part of Norms lawn, just outside the garage door.

Norma and rebecca

For those who cannot join us today.

 

 

 

 

Rebecca

So, haven’t you tow ever seen a woman biker before?

 

 

Norm

Been a few years since I seen one like you.  Chickie, you are like no other..

 

 

bob

I hope that you two aren’t getting hooked up.

rebecca

You wish, you pervert

 

Norm

Beer, you two.

 

All three drink heartily, and finish their first, of many.

 

Rebecca

Are you two out of beer, or can we drink some more of that amber treat.

Norm

Got more.

Norm looks at her with a raised eyebrown, goes to the been fridge and gets out 5, his hands are full with long necks beween each fringer on his right.  He hands one to Bob, and two to Rebecca, and then goes back to the motorcycle he was working on, and stocks the two cupholders custom molded into the gas tank.

Norm

Are you Becky the Bomber bitch.

Rebecca

(slowly)  Are you Nermel?

Norm

Copy, Beckob.

(loudly together) shit

Rebecca

I thought you were dead

Norm

No, you missed.

 

rebecca

Will, I wasn’t really trying to kill you, if I  was you would have been it, cause your fat ass would be an easy target.

Rebecca

So, why are you alive.

Norm

Spyder hole. 

(both nod)

Norm (looking at Bob)

Miss Becky Poo was my drone pilot on that mission that rang my chimes.  We hit #2 in the organization.  I had to call in the strike on my position because I got too close to run away.  There was a nice dry well that sheltered the blast.

Norm

So Rebecca, what happened to you after that.

Rebecca

Two missions later, my forward control….well, he wasn’t as good as you.  I dropped a bomb on a school, busted a bunch of kids, and three teachers, and two UN Bluehats.  I was retired for public relations.  Twenty one kids was no big deal, three teachers wasn’t a big deal, but two god damn blue hats screwed the pooch.  No way I could be there after that.  I was retired.

 

Rebecca

Four years of regular army, two years of setting up the drone recon, then the conversion to drones as combat platforms, and two years as a pilot, and bad info makes me a murderer and drummed out of the project.

Bob and NOrm

Bastards, what happened to the forward control.

 

Rebecca

He was three blocks away,  he gave me the wrong GPS, gave it to me as three blocks west and the target was three blocks east.  Fucker couldn’t read his damn compass.

Norm

I heard that he was promoted a month later and buried in a desk at the Pentagon.

Rebecca

Two lmonths later, a guy in a bar was talking to me, and mentioned RV,k I told him that I didn’t want a Winnebago, and turned out he was a one, remote viewer, and he told me how.  I got into it, and found out the slot machine thing, and not I got a basement full of quarters, and dollar coins, and I live at the slots, take some, give some back and spread the pain.

BOB

TMI.  Way, way too much information.  Beer?

Rebecca and Norm

We’re dying.  Beer, more.

Scene shifts to lawn chairs, in the sun, outside the garage, not too far from the beer fridge.

 

bob

So, is there anything off limits, illegal with the higher ups, immoral, unethical, or just plain wrong?

rebecca

Nope. (Drinks from bottle, a full drink.)

Norm

Damn.  (Drinks from bottle, a full drink.)

bob

So, its up to you, or me, to decide what is right, wrong, or, don’t care?

(Both Rebecca and Norm are facing the sun, Norms shirt is open and Rebeccas is pulled up, showing some underboob.)

rebecca

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yup.  Drinks heavily from bottle

Norm

Damn.  Drinks heavily from bottle, empties same.

                                                     

bob

So, I can watch things that shouldn’t be watched, look at things that shouldn’t be looked at, find things that shouldn’t be found, and learn things that shouldn’t be learned?

Bob

Yup.  (drinks heavily, and finishes bottle) And your only a one.  Just wait.

norm

Damn, out of beer.  Becky boo, need a brew?

rebecca

Yup.

bob

And you can tell when slot machines are going to pay, what about lottery tickets.

Norm gets tired of lucking at Bob, and gets out of his chair and goes to his fridge, getting three beers, returning to his chair, after handing the two out.

rebecca

Only if it is a preprinted lottery ticket.  Like, on Tuesday you won’t know the number of the Wednesday drawing, that will come when you are a 5 or a 6, I don’t know for sure.

Norm

5 or 6.  What is this, the fucking civil service?

bob

Different levels, like military.  I guess I am a one, I can view.  She is a two, she can look back down my thread, and see me, watching.  A three can touch, and kind of move stuff, a four can look backward in time, and a five, we guess, can look foreward.  We don’t know what a six can do,  maybe it’s a god.

Rebecca,

Give the boy a cookie, he seems to be catching on.  Normie Poo, how about being a good boy, and getting me another beer?

(Rebecca is starting to slur her speech, and when she stands up she sways,  her shirt is very tight, and still showing some bottom boob.)

Norm

But, If I do, give you one more beer, I will have provided beyond a shadow of a doubt, prima facia evidence, indeed, of the existence of goldie locks and the three beers.

Rebecca and bob

growns

bob

(Getting up to get some more beer.)  Norm, its humor like that that made vaudeville what it is today.  EXTINCT

 

 

 

 

FAde Out:

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One Response to “Astral Projection for Dummies, Act 1, Scene 8”

  1. wiscopeople2135 Says:

    Hi Robert, I just read this excerpt. Would like to read more. Maybe I missed something, but is this the opening scene? I am little confused about what is going on in this scene, but maybe with a table reading, I could “hear” it better.

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