Astral Projection for Dummies, Robert Janeck

“Astral projection for dummies”

By

Robert Janeck

 

  

[Street Address]

  

[City, ST     ZIP Code]

  

[phone]

  

[email]

 

 

FAde In:

The garage.  A standard sized suburban garage, but with a couple of motorcyles, a lot of tools, and some woodworking tools.  A man cave.

 

Norm

So, brother, you do the breathing, and the buttons, and just fall asleep, but with controlled dreams, and you can move around in the locations you are dreaming about.

 

bob

So, it comes out, you actually are listening.  Yup, I can read stuff on the tables, the papers, the grocery list, and I can hear perfectly, conversations, the tv, radion, and rap music.    

Norm

Ain’t that special.

bob

But I am back in the lounge chair in my basement.

Norm goes to the beer fridge, opens two cold ones, and passes an unopened one to Bob.  He takes one out and pours it on a dead piece of grass, and states:

Norm

Any one for our fallen brothers.

Bob

Amen

NOrm

So, if you fell into corporate America, you could get some info, and make a buck or                                                                                                                                   BOB

Don’t know why not, if you have the inherent wisdom to know what you are doing, on the otherhand, if you are a dumb ass, a dumb ass with a phd in smart, is still a dumb ass.  Sometimes you have to be smart enough to do something with what you got.

 

                     NORM                                               

So, why don’t you drop into Microsoft, or Apple and see what the next big thing is going to be, and let me know.  My pension is big enough to keep me from starving, but an few extra dimes would help.  (Drinks long from beer)

And it would allow me to get some better girlfriends.

 

                     BOB

I still don’t know if that is right, or wrong, or if I give a damn.  It could be insider information, but, I could just confess, and say that I overheard it when I had an out of body experience.

 

                     NORM

 

Yeah, add to it that the guys in the mothership told you how to do it.

 

Scene fade as the boys start to put a battery into one of the motorcyles.

 

“Astral Projection for dummies”

By

Robert Janeck

  

[Street Address]

  

[City, ST     ZIP Code]

  

[phone]

  

[email]

 

 

FAde In:

bob’s basement

A basement, not a rec room, not a man cave, a basement full of stuff that should have been thrown out rather than carried downstairs.  A zero gravity lawn chair, a relic from a couple of seasons past, is there, and Bob is standing next to it.  He is wearing black sweat pants, a black sweatshirt, black jersey gloves, and a black knit hat.  A fan is set to blow cool air at Bob, because he is dressed for 50 degree weather.

Bob

So, I am now talking to myself more, but arguing less.  I have taken ½ the dose of the peyote buttons, and am relaxed. 

Bob sits in the chair, and we can see that he is relaxing and settling in.

 

bob

Now I lay me down to sleep, (voice fading)

Bob’s eyes close, and we see his head relax back.  If he was going to be dying, this would be the way it would look.

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

 

“astral projection for dummies”

By

Robert Janeck

 

act one, scene 5.

The apartment of the rebecca

A somewhat older apartment, again, looks like a one bedroom.  Clutter, old furniture, dirty dishes by the sink, a lot of old newspapers, and a general air that it is inhabited by someone for whom, domestics duties are a rare and special occasion.  Bob drops into a bedroom, dark, but with a lot of daylight coming through the heavy drapes with shades.  The lump on the bed shows a lot of hair, but could be deceased, or in a coma.  If Bob could smell, there would be the distinctive odor or used Captain.  Slowly, the lump starts to stir, and what would be an attractive face comes alive, but barely.  The night had been rough, and had ended not that many hours ago.  She looks at the clock, and then startled, looks at the corner that Bob is not in and hisses.

Rebecca

I know you are here, I can sense that you are here,  I know that you are here, because I can reverse see that you are in a stinky basement, all dressed in black, you fucking ninja wanna be.  I may not be looking directly at you, but, you are here and you think you are so damn hot, but you are shit.  Your ninja set up tells me all that I need to know.  You are a fucking freshman, a newbie, a level one.  You fucking pervert.  Go away.

She starts getting out of bed,  she is wearing a man’s flannel shirt, well worn, about three sizes too big for her, with a couple of buttons missing.  Her bare legs are well shaped, firm, and indicate a level of physical fitness that her present condition would call a lie.  She moves to the door and passes through to the bathroom.  We hear activity, and then the shower starts.

Don’t you dare come in here, you fucking pervert.  If you do, I will hunt you down and hurt you.  I may to that anyway.  My head hurts.(said loudly, perhaps too loudly)

 

Bob

Oops, I just fell into the lair of the she-bitch.  Time to beat feet.

 

Rebecca

(Walking out of the bathroom.)  Are you still here you asshole?  (looking at the refrigerator) Are you in my fucking fridge?  Get the hell out of my beer!  (she goes to the fridge, and gets out a half-gallon of orange juice.  A couple of deep swigs later she continues her rant.            You think you are so damn smart.  Well, asshole, you are a pleb, a starting grunt, a level one.  I used to be, and I got a mentor, and got smart, I am a level 2.  I can tell you are here, and travel back down your thread and see you, and when I develop some more skills, I will be able to see where you live, and then…..

 

 

 

 

BOB

Shit, psycho bitch can track.

Rebecca

Yup, and when you are a level two, I will be a level three, and I can mess with things in your life, move shit around in your house, and hide stuff.  Then, when you are a three, I will be a four, and I will be able to travel back in time, and mess you up big time,  I can slap your head in the high school hall, pull your shorts down anywhere I want, and hide your money.  When you are a four, I will be a five, and I can go forward in time, and set traps for you.  Damn, I feel like shit, and I am going back to bed. (she goes back into the bedroom, and we can see her drop the towel and crawl back into bed.

Bob is looking visually worried.  He has been caught, and by someone who can come back and haunt him, in the present, soon in the past, and then in the future.  Damn.

Rebecca

Goodnight asshole, go away.

Bob

Goodnight sweet bitch.

 

 

 

 

(Bob returns to his basement and we see him opening his eyes and shaking his head.  He gets out of the chair stiffly, and takes off the sweatshirt, hat, and sweatpants, and he is covered with sweat.)

BOB

God Damn it, I am so fucked.

He picks up the phone, an antique rotary dial phone, and spins the dial 7 times. 

Norm

Master and commander of the Universe

Bob

I just found the anti Christ.  Well, not really, but damn near.  And she is movie star cute, but with the vocabulary of a biker in a hangover, come to think of it, I wonder if she has a bike?

Norm

Why don’t you come over to Uncle Norm’s and tell me all about it, and stop and get some of that “supper club” beer, and don’t waste your time with a six.  I have the bucket of ice ready.

BOB

Don’t you want to hear what I have to say?  (A little hurt in his voice)

NOrm

Not without a bottle of your beer in my hand.

bob

(resigned) On my way.

NOrm

Hey, get some Cheetos on the way, and the sub shop has a sale on footlongs, grab two of them.  This sounds like a long night.

bob

Norm, it is 9 am.

norm

The sun is over the yardarm, time for a brewski, and you don’t want me eating on an empty stomach, do you.

BOB

Rolling.

Norm

Copy. Out.

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